Scene from a Vacation
Celine fidgeted with the silver ring on her left ring finger, following Kazu a few steps behind. Kazu would always walk ahead of her to express his agitation, but today he was close to dashing. The sun had started painting the clouds a soft pink and the lights that lined the street were gradually turning on in an uncoordinated order.
“Look, I didn’t take it off because I don’t want people to know I’m married,” she called after him. Without looking back, Kazu paused for a moment only to dart towards the beach again. “I know you don’t think that,” Celine said. “You don’t actually believe that I took it off to appear single or something. The people at the conference are old boring politicians anyways.” She regretted saying this as soon as the words had left her mouth.
Without turning back or slowing in his pace, Kazu chuckled, “Oh, alright, so as long as they’re old, boring politicians I don’t need to worry.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that, Kazu,” Celine said softly. “Don’t take this the wrong way but, I wasn’t even thinking about you when I took it off. It’s just…these conferences…there are so many egos, so many male egos that I am dealing with. I don’t know why, but I feel stronger without it. Maybe it’s because I think it shows them I’m not bound to anyone, that I’m independent.”
Kazu turned around at last. They’d reached the Promenade des Anglais and the beach extended symmetrically to both sides. Celine was surprised to see Kazu cry and suddenly she felt tears creep into her eyes too.
“I don’t care about that stupid ring and I want you to be independent,” Kazu started. “I care about, I, I don’t get what’s wrong with being connected to me. These past few years, I’ve been feeling like you’re pulling away from me and I feel it now more than ever. We’re in Nice of all places, and you agree to do these conferences and meetings –– I took time off from the restaurant to travel with you, and still, I barely see you.”
The sound of the waves rushed back and forth and a cool breeze cut between them. Celine and Kazu sat down on the warm up stones of the beach.
He continued, “I miss it, Celine. I miss us in this city. I miss how we’d skip work and just walk through the streets all day. I used to make dinner for you every evening, with whatever crap we had in the fridge that day. I remember how you’d wait for me at the tram station. Nowadays––we used to spend whole nights just talking to each other but now it seems like you just can’t wait to leave the house when I’m there.”
Celine let out a loud sob and a few curious heads walking the Promenade turned in their direction. After a few moments she pulled herself together and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. It came back. “You know what. I miss it too. But I miss our drive forward –– I miss how we’d dream about where we’d go, about what jobs we’d have. I miss your drive. You blindly follow Yuji and put whatever he wants on the menu, when you used to talk about building your own restaurant and hosting your political groups––”
“Groups you didn’t like,” Kazu hissed.
“You just don’t look forward anymore. It’s like you want time to stop moving. Everytime I come home to you it feels like I stop living,” Celine spat out. She turned away from Kazu and looked towards the horizon. It was illuminated by a last glimmer of blue light, but the ocean ahead of her was quickly darkening. She took a long breath. “I feel like, you hold me back.”
Kazu stared into the black water crashing onto the rocks in front of him. He picked himself up and walked away without looking back. In the distance, a street performer was singing a rendition of Nina Simone’s “What More Can I Say,” but Kazu took no notice.
